Learning to Love Change

I really do need to get to bed, but after rehearsal my mind is just racing with adrenaline and, well, theatre thoughts. I've just got to write something.

Last night was wonderful beyond words. We started off as we always do, by just hanging around, waiting for everyone to show up and settle down. My dad had brought a digital video camera for me from home, and I used the last few minutes of its battery life to get some shots of us sitting around, talking, laughing. I'm going to take it to rehearsal tomorrow and have it close by all weekend, to get some behind-the-scenes footage of the show, as well as some concrete memories.

We didn't do a lot of actual "rehearsal" stuff; just some brief vocal and physical warm-ups. We all tried to play "ninja", but Julia begged us to start doing vocal warm-ups. So, still in our ninja poses, we began yawning. Then we were told that we could not play "ninja" onstage, near the rented, expensive props. Sadly, we relented.

When that was finished, we sat in a circle on stage, all of us - cast, crew, directors - and began what Julia told us would be our very last feelings time. I was sad to hear it, but I have to say it sure was a good final feelings time.

One thing I observed that really warms my heart is the unity and love that is so tangible among those of "The Dining Room", not just the cast, but the crew as well. Early on I didn't feel it as much, since I was just getting to know half of the people I was working with, but last night it was really evident. As people were sharing, every now and then someone would say something lighthearted, and all of us would erupt in laughter and embark together on a brief tangent of joking and teasing. Then, all together, we would return to feelings time, after enjoying that break together. Jonny said something at one point that left me doubled over with laughter, although I can't quite remember what it was.

These humorous eruptions happened while I was sharing, too, but I didn't mind in the least bit. I sat back and smiled, thankful for the people God has blessed me with in this show, people who can be serious with each other, but also silly with each other. People who work hard, but also play hard. People who are united by more than just a love for theatre, but a love for people, a love for each other, and, most importantly, a love for God.

"The Dining Room" has really caused me to fall in love with theatre in an entirely new way. It has been beneficial to me personally, and has allowed me, for the first real time in my life, to feel like an artist, which is something I think I have been longing for, deep down inside of me. I have never invested so much of myself into a show before, but the payoff is well worth the late nights and early mornings, because I know I have grown in so many ways, and I have made friendships that will not soon fizzle out.

But that's not all I've learned. I have come to realize that theatre is a great and unique space in which multi-faceted and layered aspects of humanity can come together. It brings people together who wouldn't normally be together (why I love amateur theatre); it is a place to work, to play, to explore, to imagine, to be serious, to be silly, to be thoughtful, to be impulsive. A play is a living, breathing thing, just like, and in many ways, because of the humans in it and the humans in the audience. No performance is the same, no scene is the same, because we are performing in live space and live time, and the very fact that something is alive means that it is constantly changing. Every audience changes the play a little bit, and the excitement of the actor is not knowing exactly how their scenes will go, because within the framework of what we have been given and what has been rehearsed, there is always space to change.

That's how I feel personally about acting; within the framework of the lines, and the direction, and even the props, we are free to move and create as we will, and there is no rule that says everything has to be the same every time. In fact, in many cases, if it is the same every time, we are ceasing to truly experience theatre; we are no longer creating "live" art, but simply performing "done" art, like a movie. It is a challenge, but I think I'm learning to embrace that challenge, rather than to fear it.

I am so thankful to God for creating us as creative beings; we are thinking, breathing, curious, feeling creatures, and theatre, I feel, is such a perfect place to learn about what it really means to be human, and to explore the many, many different ways God has given us in which to express that.