To Be Surprised

"Do something that reminds you of the goodness of God."

This was a possible pull question for our reading on Calvin. I didn't do it as an assignment, but I had it in mind when I went to rehearsal yesterday. Being in this play has definitely been a reminder of God's goodness.

I feel I have grown in so many ways.

Relationally: I've made friends that I otherwise never would have known and probably never have met. And there's something about working, thinking, and playing hard together that provides a strong bond between humans. That's something I've really grown to appreciate about the Torrey program as a whole; I read and study and discuss and eat and socialize and relax and now I exercise my mind, body and creative side with these same people. I feel very well-rounded.

Personally: The play has given me greater confidence. There is something so freeing about not feeling like I have to do or act any certain way. For the first few weeks of rehearsals, we worked on breaking down those self-imposed boundaries, in numerous ways. Of course, we are working within a framework of the director's, well, direction, and now within the framework of our characters and scenes, but inside of that we are free to feel free, and that is where actors can create. Something Julia is constantly telling us is that we should do what feels natural (within that framework). I've carried that sentiment with me into my day-to-day life; I still have awkward moments and social faux pas, but I feel less controlled by what others think, or what I think others think.

Creatively: I've experienced theatre this semester in ways that I never have before. In high school, theatre was fun, but I never really delved into it like I have with "The Dining Room". I've learned that it is a transforming experience, one that doesn't start with memorizing lines or having the right props; those things come toward the end. As an actor, I must begin with myself, learning to be free with my body, my voice, my mind. It's learning about that freedom I was talking about, and learning to be aware of the feelings and energy that drive me and that drive my cast members. With the performances drawing near, I'm interested to see how things change when we have the audience's energy, too. It makes a huge difference, and it's something I think is fascinating and wonderful about theatre; every performance is different, depending on how the actors feel and the choices they make, and also depending upon the audience's energy and reactions. As performers, we are not only interacting with each other on stage, but we have been doing all of this work to prepare to give something to the audience, and to interact with them as well.

In a way, it feels hard to pinpoint exactly what I've learned, or exactly what has happened in the process of this play. But in a way, that's kind of how theatre, and art, seems to be. I know there are specific things about my characters and about this play that I see and want to convey to the audience, but just like anything that is human, it is ever-changing, ever-growing. In rehearsals, Julia tells us to surprise ourselves, with our movements and choices. Never be rehearsed, never be old, never be dull. That's what's so great about theatre; because it's never the same, for anyone involved, you never know what will surprise you.

Back to God's goodness: theatre, for me, is an example and an outlet to explore the multi-faceted aspects of humanity. I praise God that he has made us diverse creatures, with diverse talents and interests. I can't pin down one thing about this play, or this experience, that is the meaning or purpose or goal. And I can't pin down one thing in any person that is them; humans are like sponges, full of experiences and feelings and things that shape them into who they are, and they are constantly being shaped into something a little bit different than what they were before. You can't pin a human to a wall, and say, "This is it. That is you, and that is all you are." God has created us as much more complex than that, and I think that is beautiful. I love that I am fascinated by many things, and that there is no end of interesting things to do and explore and observe in this life.

God is creative, and I am so, so thankful that he has made us creative, too. There is something in all of us, I believe, that has to get out; we have to be seen, we have to make something, we have to do something. "Creative" does not simply refer to the arts. Humans create new ways to think about math; humans create families; humans create systems. To create, for humans, seems only natural, and I thank God that he has given me, and those around me, the ability and desire to be more than walking hunks of flesh. We are minds, we are souls, and we have to explore. To create. To understand. To feel. To live.